First notes on surrender and autobiography

pp. 16-28

in: Kurt Wolff, Transformation in the writing, Berlin, Springer, 1995

Abstract

This title — "First Notes on Surrender and Autobiography" — already is an achievement, for it makes it possible for me to speak, in fact makes me speak, brings words, specific words, for me to say. The title has made me find what in this matter of surrender-and-autobiography I am entitled to hope for: "first notes." The title has given me my beginning, the beginning of this piece, "Surrender and Autobiography." But the title is not my achievement: it has happened. Beginning is not my beginning: as my beginning it is impossible. (In our unadmitted despair we say that all beginning is difficult — as if it were not more than difficult.) To be able to begin can never be taken for granted, cannot even be taken for possible. For it is creatio ex nihilo, creation out of nothing at all. It is the catch of surrender. The catch of surrender is the hope (the glorious hope) that there will be a catch.